Illegal Immigration
There is much talk recently about illegal immigration from various countries. United States citizens and leaders appear to be largely divided on this issue. What is your position on illegal immigration? Should the government keep the U.S. borders open or closed?
After carefully reading Mario Cuomo's "Achieving the American Dream" and Emma Lazarus's "The New Colossus," write a letter to the editor of your local paper persuading the readers to agree with your position on this issue. Provide convincing arguments and specific details to support your claim. Be sure to address counterarguments and counterclaims. You may wish to conduct additional research on the topic to gather facts and statistics to further support your argument.
Score Point 6 - very effectively communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Dear Editor,
Immigration is a widely talked about topic in the United States. Everyone seems to take a side. One side is that immigration is good and that the governments should leave the borders open. The other side is saying that immigration is not good and that they should close up the borders. Immigration is talked about so often because the number of immigrants crossing the border is so large, it is hard to not debate the situation. Immigration is a good thing. Almost everyone seems to overlook the fact that their ancestors most likely had to go through the same situation the immigrants of today are going through to have a better life for them and their family. Though the immigration process is hard, long, and painful, there are many aspects of immigration that benefit the United States such as adding tax revenue, bringing diversity to society, and providing cheap labor.
Immigrants who come into the United States pay taxes and add to the country's tax revenue. Tax revenue is the dollar amount of money that the government takes from people who are living in the country, or otherwise known as the government's income. Different forms of taxes that contribute to tax revenue are property taxes, income tax, import and export taxes, state taxes, and sales tax. These, and more, help pay for jobs such as police officers, firemen, teachers, and government officials. As more immigrants come into the country, the amount of money received through taxes increases. Even if the person isn't here legally, there are still some taxes they can't avoid such as sales, rent, and gas taxes. Immigrants pay billions of tax dollars every year. Taxes paid by immigrants, with citizens' money too, are used to build buildings and roads, maintenance on federal lands such as Yellowstone, and to pay for jobs. The immigrants' taxes contribute to paying for these commodities which benefits America.
As immigrants leave behind an old life, they still take part of their heritage with them. This brings cultural diversity into the United States, and contributes to the "melting pot" feature they are known for. The "melting pot" feature represents how several different cultures have come together to make a large society full of different thoughts, ideas, and actions. For example, when Scandinavian immigrants came to America, they brought the concept of the log cabin here with them. African immigrants brought along several different music and dance styles. Immigrants from Germany brought frankfurters and various car models. The French brought different pastries and breads. If these immigrants hadn't taken the risk of immigrating to America and bringing over their traditions, the U.S. wouldn't be the same as it is now. Immigration has exposed members of the society to new and different lifestyles and cultures. This makes life more interesting and diverse.
Most immigrants go to America for "The American Dream," or a better way of life. Most of these people come from poor backgrounds and don't bring a lot of money. They want to live that dream, even if it means working harder, longer and for not as much. This creates cheap labor. Cheap labor is when an employer doesn't pay someone the full amount of money or goods the job is worth. Minimum wage in most of America is $7.25 an hour. Mexicans can get around $3.00 an hour for the same amount of time and effort. So comparing $7.25 and $3.00 is an easy choice for these immigrants. The $7.25 is a huge blessing compared to what they are use to. The American society and government benefit from this situation. A government official can hire a group of immigrants to build a building. In the end, the official gets their building and for a much cheaper price. If they had hired a citizen, it would have cost tons more money. The immigrants walk away from the job with money that they need. Everyone has a positive aspect to the situation.
Some people say that immigrants take the jobs from the Americans, even though there is evidence to prove otherwise. Statistics show that immigrants are 30% more likely to start their own business in the U.S. Also, immigrants want money to support their family and themselves so they are willing to take jobs most people don't want. Janitorial and Sanitation jobs are a big draw for immigrants because most citizens don't want the job that is dirty and gross. The biggest draw, however, is labor jobs. Farming, lifting, building, and moving jobs. Manual labor is one of the largest draws because most Americans would prefer a job like an office worker. They can sit and take it easy and not have to do hard work. Someone still needs to do those manual labor jobs, and that is where immigrants come in. Immigrants are willing to take the hard labor and heavy lifting jobs so they can have a better life.
In conclusion, immigration is great. One way to make it even better is to make the borders more secure. Securing the borders helps ensure that we get more legal immigrants coming in rather than illegal ones. Also, hiring more border agents will help speed the process of legalizing immigrants that just want to be legal in a better place. By adding more secure borders and more people to speed the process and help immigrants can make immigration even better. There are still aspects in immigration that are helpful to the U.S. like adding tax revenue, bringing diversity to society, and providing cheap labor. On the Statue of Liberty, the symbol of our freedom, it says, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breath free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore, send these, the homeless tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" summons immigrants to the Land of Opportunity.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus and Purpose
The essay exhibits very effective focus throughout the response . The writer demonstrates a thorough and insightful understanding of the task, purpose, and audience. He/she establishes and maintains a precise claim to argue the issue presented in the task . The writer completes all parts of the task and may go beyond the limits of the task.
The writer presents a precise claim/position statement in support of open borders and immigration. Then, each subsequent body paragraph identifies an argument that supports his/her position. (“Though the immigration process is hard, long, and painful, there are many aspects of immigration that benefit the United States such as adding tax revenue, bringing diversity to society, and providing cheap labor.”)
Content Development/Elaboration
The essay exhibits very effective development of content. The writer develops arguments logically; using a variety of elaborative techniques, he/she adeptly integrates relevant evidence to support the stated claim. The essay convincingly addresses opposing claims or counterarguments/counterclaims.
The writer addresses opposing claims very effectively by presenting relevant evidence about the job market and claiming that immigrants are not competing for the same jobs as Americans. Throughout the essay, he/she provides compelling substantiation for each of his/her arguments. (“Some people say that immigrants take the jobs from the Americans, even though there is evidence to prove otherwise. Statistics show that immigrants are 30% more likely to start their own business in the U.S. Also, immigrants want money to support their family and themselves so they are willing to take jobs most people don't want. Janitorial and Sanitation jobs are a big draw for immigrants because most citizens don't want the job that is dirty and gross. The biggest draw, however, is labor jobs. Farming, lifting, building, and moving jobs. Manual labor is one of the largest draws because most Americans would prefer a job like an office worker. They can sit and take it easy and not have to do hard work. Someone still needs to do those manual labor jobs, and that is where immigrants come in. Immigrants are willing to take the hard labor and heavy lifting jobs so they can have a better life.”)
Organization
The essay exhibits very effective organization. The essay displays a cohesive and unified structure that supports the logical progression of ideas. It contains an engaging introduction and an insightful conclusion. The writer uses effective and skillful paragraphing and transitional strategies throughout.
The writer’s introduction is well crafted; it introduces the debate, states a position, and makes it a personal issue for the readers by suggesting that most people’s ancestors immigrated to this country at some point in in the past. (“Immigration is a widely talked about topic in the United States. Everyone seems to take a side. One side is that immigration is good and that the governments should leave the borders open. The other side is saying that immigration is not good and that they should close up the borders. Immigration is talked about so often because the number of immigrants crossing the border is so large, it is hard to not debate the situation. Immigration is a good thing. Almost everyone seems to overlook the fact that their ancestors most likely had to go through the same situation the immigrants of today are going through to have a better life for them and their family. Though the immigration process is hard, long, and painful, there are many aspects of immigration that benefit the United States such as adding tax revenue, bringing diversity to society, and providing cheap labor.”)
Language Use, Voice, and Style
The essay exhibits very effective use of language, style, and tone. The writer demonstrates precise control of language, domain-specific word choice, and an exceptional awareness of audience. The use of well-structured and varied sentences contributes to the effectiveness of the response.
The writer uses clear, precise, and powerful words to describe the economic benefits of immigration and create an authoritative voice in the essay. Complex sentence structure and sentence variety add to the sophisticated style of the overall message. (“Immigrants who come into the United States pay taxes and add to the country's tax revenue. Tax revenue is the dollar amount of money that the government takes from people who are living in the country, or otherwise known as the government's income. Different forms of taxes that contribute to tax revenue are property taxes, income tax, import and export taxes, state taxes, and sales tax. These, and more, help pay for jobs such as police officers, firemen, teachers, and government officials. As more immigrants come into the country, the amount of money received through taxes increases. Even if the person isn't here legally, there are still some taxes they can't avoid such as sales, rent, and gas taxes. Immigrants pay billions of tax dollars every year. Taxes paid by immigrants, with citizens' money too, are used to build buildings and roads, maintenance on federal lands such as Yellowstone, and to pay for jobs. The immigrants' taxes contribute to paying for these commodities which benefits America.”)
Mechanics and Conventions
The essay exhibits very effective control of mechanics and conventions. It contains few or no errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, and spelling.
In the following paragraph, the essay demonstrates control of capitalization and punctuation. (“As immigrants leave behind an old life, they still take part of their heritage with them. This brings cultural diversity into the United States, and contributes to the ‘melting pot’ feature they are known for. The ‘melting pot’ feature represents how several different cultures have come together to make a large society full of different thoughts, ideas, and actions. For example, when Scandinavian immigrants came to America, they brought the concept of the log cabin here with them. African immigrants brought along several different music and dance styles. Immigrants from Germany brought frankfurters and various car models. The French brought different pastries and breads. If these immigrants hadn't taken the risk of immigrating to America and bringing over their traditions, the U.S. wouldn't be the same as it is now. Immigration has exposed members of the society to new and different lifestyles and cultures. This makes life more interesting and diverse.”)
Score Point 5 - strongly communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Dear Editor,
Recently, Illegal immigration in the united States has been a huge talking point on various news networks, and within the government. The current situation for immigrants in the U.S is not ideal, and needs to be fixed. Having open, but moderated borders, and an easier path for immigrants to achieve citizenship could help their situation. Many think that illegal immigrants are the sole reason for terrorist groups and attacks; however, this is not true. Illegal Immigrants should be allowed in our country; and be able to gain citizenship, as they pose no current threat to our nation.
In order for immigrants to help better our country, and ease them into a better life, they should be able to earn citizenship. In order to gain citizenship, every immigrant that wants to gain citizenship should have to follow a 'path to citizenship' to show that they are worthy of it. Seeing as there are around 11 million illegal immigrant is the U.S. "Allowing these immigrants to regularize their status will not only strengthen our national security, but will also stimulate the economy and enhance America's rich, vibrant, and diverse culture." (1, 1) as said on https://immigration.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000842.
Donald Trump, our current president wishes to build a wall between Mexico and the United States, and have Mexico pay for it. What will doing that achieve? The Mexican people refuse to pay for the wall, and it would cause strife between America and Mexico. While completely open borders would cause a massive influx of immigrants would come into our country, and their might not be enough jobs or space for them; although, if the border was open, but moderated, those who may be dangerous, or likewise would be filtered out and sent to jail or holding cell, while the rest be lead onto their path to citizenship.
The terrorist attacks that have taken place in our country devastated many, and some believe it was the fault of illegal immigrants; however, according to https://immigration.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000842 "Foreigners who've carried out terrorist attacks have entered the United States legally on immigrant, non-immigrant work/study, or tourist visas." (8, 4). We should not be so ignorant as to believe every illegal immigrant is a terrorist, or wishes us harm, as most just wish to start a better life in America.
Illegal Immigrants, while most pose no threat to us, are kicked out or never let into our country, but they should not be. One of the justifications for keeping immigrants out of the U.S. is the false claim that illegal immigrants are terrorists. On another note, Illegal immigrants, if put on the right path to citizenship, could help restore our country and improve security. Open, yet moderated borders and certain changes to immigration laws could seriously help solve the issues associated with Illegal Immigration.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus and Purpose
The essay exhibits good focus throughout the response . The writer demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, purpose, and audience. He/she establishes and maintains a well-defined claim to argue the issue presented in the task . The writer completes all parts of the task.
The writer provides a well-defined claim that clearly states his/her position on illegal immigration. In the body paragraphs, he/she argues in favor of “a path to citizenship” and ties it to increased security for the country. (“Illegal Immigrants should be allowed in our country; and be able to gain citizenship, as they pose no current threat to our nation. ”)
Content Development/Elaboration
The essay exhibits good development of content. The writer develops arguments logically; using consistent elaborative techniques, he/she successfully integrates relevant evidence to support the stated claim. The essay clearly addresses opposing claims or counterarguments/counterclaims.
The writer uses consistent elaborative techniques, including facts, statistics, and direct quotes to provide background for his/her arguments/reasons. (“In order for immigrants to help better our country, and ease them into a better life, they should be able to earn citizenship. In order to gain citizenship, every immigrant that wants to gain citizenship should have to follow a 'path to citizenship' to show that they are worthy of it. Seeing as there are around 11 million illegal immigrant is the U.S. ‘Allowing these immigrants to regularize their status will not only strengthen our national security, but will also stimulate the economy and enhance America's rich, vibrant, and diverse culture.’ (1, 1) as said on https://immigration.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000842. ”)
Organization
The essay exhibits good organization. The essay demonstrates a mostly unified structure that supports the logical progression of ideas, and it contains a strong introduction and conclusion. The writer uses consistent paragraphing and transitional strategies throughout.
Transition words and phrases like “in order for,” “although,” and “however” help to show how the writer’s ideas are related. The conclusion restates the writer’s position, summarizes the arguments/reasons that support his/her claim, and ends with a concluding statement. (“Illegal Immigrants, while most pose no threat to us, are kicked out or never let into our country, but they should not be. One of the justifications for keeping immigrants out of the U.S. is the false claim that illegal immigrants are terrorists. On another note, Illegal immigrants, if put on the right path to citizenship, could help restore our country and improve security. Open, yet moderated borders and certain changes to immigration laws could seriously help solve the issues associated with Illegal Immigration. ”)
Language Use, Voice, and Style
The essay exhibits effective use of language, style, and tone. The writer demonstrates consistent control of language, domain-specific word choice, and a clear awareness of audience. The writer mostly uses well-structured and varied sentences.
Consistent style and tone work together to strengthen the writer’s claim. The factual, logical tone throughout the essay makes the writer’s arguments more convincing. (“The terrorist attacks that have taken place in our country devastated many, and some believe it was the fault of illegal immigrants; however, according to https://immigration.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000842 ‘Foreigners who've carried out terrorist attacks have entered the United States legally on immigrant, non-immigrant work/study, or tourist visas.’ (8, 4). We should not be so ignorant as to believe every illegal immigrant is a terrorist, or wishes us harm, as most just wish to start a better life in America. ”)
Mechanics and Conventions
The essay exhibits good control of mechanics and conventions. It contains few errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, and spelling that do not interfere with the communication of the message.
At times, the writer attempts to create complex sentence structures, but problems with proper punctuation and syntax affect the flow and meaning of the content. (“ While completely open borders would cause a massive influx of immigrants would come into our country, and their might not be enough jobs or space for them; although, if the border was open, but moderated, those who may be dangerous, or likewise would be filtered out and sent to jail or holding cell, while the rest be lead onto their path to citizenship. ”)
Score Point 4 - adequately communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Illegal Immigration
There is much talk recently about illegal immigration from various countries and places. The U.S. citizens and leaders appear to be largely divided o this issue. Illegal immigration is the illegal entry of a person or group across a country's border, in a way that violates the laws of immigration of that country.
There are a lot of costs of illegal immigration. For example, by draining public funds and creating unfair competition for jobs with America's least prepared workers. This lowers wages and working conditions, and by imposing unwanted strains or services designed to provide assistance to Americans, illegal immigration causes harm to Americans and legal residents.
Illegal immigration harms the American workforce. According to a study by Rice University, economist Dr. Donald Huddle, illegal aliens were displacing roughly 730,000 American workers every year, at the cost of $4.3 billion a year. All these statistics are increasing as the years go by, and some Americans want to put a stop to this situation. This puts people who are trying to work legally into trouble.
Illegal undermines legal immigration. There is a list of millions eligible people waiting to be legally admitted as immigrants to the United States of America. Most of those people have been on that list for many years waiting for their limited visas to become available. Illegal immigration makes a mockery of those people, and those people are doing the right thing to not do it illegally.
However, these are people who are having trouble with their lives in the country they are living in and they just want a fresh start in their lives, But, it is still illegal so they should still immigrate legally,
Illegal immigration causes many problems to the citizens and leaders of the Unites States of America. These problems harm innocent people who are doing the right thing but are being replaced by people who are doing the wrong things. Illegal immigration is wrong and it needs to decrease to help those innocent people who are losing their jobs.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus and Purpose
The essay exhibits adequate focus throughout the response . The writer demonstrates a general understanding of the task, purpose, and audience. H e/she adequately maintains a claim and attempts to argue the issue presented in the task . The writer completes most parts of the task.
At the start of the second paragraph, the writer presents a claim that illegal immigration is costly, and he/she identifies three issues/arguments to support that claim: unfair job competition, strain on public services, and the undermining of the legal immigration process. (“There are a lot of costs of illegal immigration. For example, by draining public funds and creating unfair competition for jobs with America's least prepared workers. This lowers wages and working conditions, and by imposing unwanted strains or services designed to provide assistance to Americans, illegal immigration causes harm to Americans and legal residents.”)
Content Development/Elaboration
The essay exhibits adequate development of content. The writer adequately develops arguments, and using some elaborative techniques, he/she integrates some relevant evidence to support the stated claim. The essay sufficiently addresses opposing claims or counterarguments/counterclaims.
The writer integrates relevant statistics from an authoritative source to provide evidence that illegal immigration hurts America’s unskilled workers. In addition, the essay includes a counterargument that acknowledges the plight of people who enter the country illegally, but it is minimally developed. (“Illegal immigration harms the American workforce. According to a study by Rice University, economist Dr. Donald Huddle, illegal aliens were displacing roughly 730,000 American workers every year, at the cost of $4.3 billion a year. All these statistics are increasing as the years go by, and some Americans want to put a stop to this situation. This puts people who are trying to work legally into trouble.”)
Organization
The essay exhibits adequate organization. A generally unified structure supports the logical progression of ideas, and the essay contains an adequate introduction and conclusion. The writer uses adequate paragraphing and transitional strategies throughout.
The introduction presents background information that helps the readers understand the issue, and the conclusion adequately sums up the writer’s position. The writer needs to improve the organization of ideas in the body of the essay by discussing each argument in a separate paragraph and adding transitions. As written, the first body paragraph appears to include the thesis/claim and evidence to support more than one argument. (“There is much talk recently about illegal immigration from various countries and places. The U.S. citizens and leaders appear to be largely divided o this issue. Illegal immigration is the illegal entry of a person or group across a country's border, in a way that violates the laws of immigration of that country.”)
Language Use, Voice, and Style
The essay exhibits adequate use of language, style, and tone. The writer demonstrates adequate control of language, domain-specific word choice, and a general awareness of audience. The writer mostly uses correct sentence structure with some sentence variety.
The use of strong verb phrases and domain-specific language creates a consistently authoritative tone. (“Illegal undermines legal immigration. There is a list of millions eligible people waiting to be legally admitted as immigrants to the United States of America. Most of those people have been on that list for many years waiting for their limited visas to become available. Illegal immigration makes a mockery of those people, and those people are doing the right thing to not do it illegally.”)
Mechanics and Conventions
The essay exhibits adequate control of mechanics and conventions. It contains some errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, and spelling that do not significantly interfere with the communication of the message.
For example, sentences have a subject and a verb, sentences begin with capital letters, sentences end with appropriate punctuation marks, line breaks distinguish paragraphs, and most words are spelled correctly. In several cases, the writer should proofread for capitalization and punctuation. (“ However, these are people who are having trouble with their lives in the country they are living in and they just want a fresh start in their lives, But, it is still illegal so they should still immigrate legally,”)
Score Point 3 - partially communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
I think the goverment should keep the walls up. I am going to tell you why we should keep the walls up in this letter. The first reason is because the U.S. is getting crowded or getting over populated. The next reason is some illegal immigrants work hard to stay in America, but some are not here for working, just to cuase trouble on the streets. The last reason is illegal immigrants are committing crimes to be in a better country.
The firsts reason I will talk about is over populating. If this keeps going on a lot of people will not have places to live. If people don't have a place to live, they will not have anything to eat and force to live out on the streets. Some more than most will miss out on an education.
The next reason is non working illegal immigrants cusing trouble in our country. Some are staring gangs and fighting alot. Big groups are starting riots hurting people.
The last reason is illegal immigrants committing crimes to have a better life in America. the government said they will not grant ammisty to illegal immigrants. If the cross over illegally and don't have to go back of pay a fine. Then we are rewarding them for a crossing over illegally.
I told what I think the goverment should do. I told you the country is over populating. I also told you some illegal immigrants are cusing trouble ont the streets. I told you they are committing crimes to have better life. That why we should keep the wall up.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus and Purpose
The essay exhibits limited focus throughout the response . The writer demonstrates a limited understanding of the task, purpose, and audience. He/she establishes a claim but may be unclear or unfocused in arguing the issue presented in the task . The writer completes some parts of the task.
The writer presents a claim that “the government should keep the walls up” but lacks appropriate evidence to support it. This makes the essay feel more like an opinion piece than a convincing argument. (“I think the goverment should keep the walls up. I am going to tell you why we should keep the walls up in this letter. The first reason is because the U.S. is getting crowded or getting over populated. The next reason is some illegal immigrants work hard to stay in America, but some are not here for working, just to cuase trouble on the streets. The last reason is illegal immigrants are committing crimes to be in a better country.”)
Content Development/Elaboration
The essay exhibits limited development of content. The writer develops limited arguments and uses inconsistent or irrelevant evidence to support the stated claim. He/she uses weak or ineffective elaborative techniques. The writer attempts to address opposing claims or counterarguments/counterclaims.
The essay needs specific details that clearly support the writer’s claim/position. Elaborative techniques can include quotes, statistics, examples, facts, and explanations. In this essay, the writer fails to address opposing claims. (“The firsts reason I will talk about is over populating. If this keeps going on a lot of people will not have places to live. If people don't have a place to live, they will not have anything to eat and force to live out on the streets. Some more than most will miss out on an education.”)
Organization
The essay exhibits limited organization. The essay demonstrates limited evidence of organizational structure that supports the progression of ideas. It contains an uncertain introduction and/or conclusion. The writer uses inconsistent paragraphing and transitional strategies with little variety.
The structure of the essay is formulaic. The introduction identifies the reasons that support the writer’s claim, and the reasons are repeated in the topic sentences for the body paragraphs. Transitional words and phrases are included, but they are elementary in nature and do not necessarily relate to a logical sequence of ideas. (“The next reason is non working illegal immigrants cusing trouble in our country. Some are staring gangs and fighting alot. Big groups are starting riots hurting people.”)
Language Use, Voice, and Style
The essay may exhibit appropriate use of language, style, and tone. The writer demonstrates limited control of language, simplistic word choice, and some awareness of audience. He/she may use simple or repetitive sentence structure with insufficient sentence variety.
Awkward sentence structure and simplistic language diminish the effectiveness of the writer’s voice in the essay. (“ The last reason is illegal immigrants committing crimes to have a better life in America. the government said they will not grant ammisty to illegal immigrants. If the cross over illegally and don't have to go back of pay a fine. Then we are rewarding them for a crossing over illegally. ”)
Mechanics and Conventions
The essay exhibits limited control of mechanics and conventions. The essay contains several noticeable or distracting errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, and spelling that interfere with the communication of the message.
To write an effective essay, the writer must ensure that each sentence has a subject and a verb, each sentence begins with a capital letter, each sentence ends with a punctuation mark, and words are spelled correctly. (“ I told what I think the goverment should do. I told you the country is over populating. I also told you some illegal immigrants are cusing trouble ont the streets. I told you they are committing crimes to have better life. That why we should keep the wall up. ”)
The writer should click on MY Editor for more ways to improve his/her writing.
Score Point 2 - limited in the communication of the writer’s message.
Model Essay
I think that they should open the border. because I don't think any person that is not american that would think not to bring any drama from their country to america. Because i don't think these people would not want to go to jail for a couple of years. Certain people can have excellent ideas for land,products, and other stuff for america.
What if people that are tryig to cross the border are coming to get to medical or law school. Immigrants can come out here for an education and want to do something with there life they probably want to have a carer. the states tht the immigrants from mght not have the that you can't get in the united staes or the peope could come for a good and more better life.
These are my reasons why they should leave the U.S border open people would not want to jail. They came to america to get the goal that they want they have to work hard for it and start from scratch people could have ideas or can out here for an education and a better life to come into the united states.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus and Purpose
The essay exhibits minimal focus . The writer demonstrates a minimal understanding of the task, purpose, and audience. He/she establishes a weak claim and/or demonstrates little attempt to argue the issue presented in the task . The writer completes few parts of the task.
The writer presents a claim that the border should remain open, but the supporting arguments are unclear and seem unrelated to the claim. (“ I think that they should open the border. because I don't think any person that is not american that would think not to bring any drama from their country to america. Because i don't think these people would not want to go to jail for a couple of years. Certain people can have excellent ideas for land,products, and other stuff for america. ”)
Content Development/Elaboration
The essay exhibits minimal development of content. The writer develops arguments incompletely and uses insufficient evidence to support the stated claim. He/she uses minimal elaborative techniques. The essay may address opposing claims or counterarguments/counterclaims.
The writer develops arguments incompletely; gaps in the information keep the readers from understanding how the evidence supports the claim. Details can include specific examples, facts, quotes, statistics, or explanations from sources. Providing these details will result in a response that integrates solid evidence for the writer’s position on the issue. (“ What if people that are tryig to cross the border are coming to get to medical or law school. Immigrants can come out here for an education and want to do something with there life they probably want to have a carer. the states tht the immigrants from mght not have the that you can't get in the united staes or the peope could come for a good and more better life. ”)
Organization
The essay exhibits minimal organization. The essay demonstrates minimal evidence of organizational structure and contains a weak introduction and/or conclusion. The writer uses ineffective paragraphing and transitional strategies.
The essay demonstrates evidence of an introduction, body, and conclusion, but they are repetitive and do not support a progression of ideas. (“ These are my reasons why they should leave the U.S border open people would not want to jail. They came to america to get the goal that they want they have to work hard for it and start from scratch people could have ideas or can out here for an education and a better life to come into the united states. ”)
Language Use, Voice, and Style
The essay exhibits ineffective use of language, style, and tone. The writer demonstrates minimal control of language, vague word choice, and a minimal awareness of audience. He/she makes basic errors in sentence structure and uses little sentence variety.
Sentences are not well structured, and sentence fragments appear throughout the essay. (“because I don't think any person that is not american that would think not to bring any drama from their country to america. Because i don't think these people would not want to go to jail for a couple of years. Certain people can have excellent ideas for land,products, and other stuff for america. ”)
Mechanics and Conventions
The essay exhibits minimal control of mechanics and conventions. The essay contains serious errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, and spelling that interfere with the communication of the message.
The essay exhibits errors in grammar, capitalization, spelling, and punctuation, all of which interfere with the communication of the message. (“ the states tht the immigrants from mght not have the that you can't get in the united staes or the peope could come for a good and more better life. ”)
The writer should click on MY Editor for more ways to improve his/her writing.
Score Point 1 - inadequately communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
why should we have a limit in America? My opinon is that we shoulld not have a limit in America. It is wrong that we are putting people on the streets. They will need a home so we should not have a limit. Now I will tell you some reasons why America shouldn't have a limit.
they probably want to come in America because they like are culture. They probably did not like where they were living. So they decided to ove to America. Tey can't move to America if we have a limit.
Another reasonwhy we shouldn't have a limit in America because people might want to visit America
Commentary and Analysis
Focus and Purpose
The essay exhibits inadequate focus . The writer demonstrates a lack of understanding of the task, purpose, and audience. He/she fails to establish a claim and makes little or no effort to argue the issue presented in the task . The writer completes few or no parts of the task.
The essay does not clearly identify the issue of illegal immigration; the writer states a claim that America should not have a limit, but he/she does not indicate “what” should not be limited. (“why should we have a limit in America? My opinon is that we shoulld not have a limit in America.”)
Content Development/Elaboration
The essay exhibits inadequate development of content. The writer demonstrates little, if any, development of arguments and provides minimal or no evidence to support the stated claims. The essay does not address opposing claims or counterarguments/counterclaims.
At least three arguments/reasons should be included in body paragraphs, one argument/reason per paragraph, with sufficient details/evidence to make a convincing argument. The essay does not provide facts, statistics, specific examples, or quotes from sources to support the writer’s claim. (“ they probably want to come in America because they like are culture. They probably did not like where they were living. So they decided to ove to America. Tey can't move to America if we have a limit.”)
Organization
The essay exhibits inadequate organization. The essay demonstrates little or no evidence of organizational structure and lacks an introduction or conclusion. The writer uses little or no paragraphing and transitional strategies.
The essay does not include a conclusion; the writer ends the essay with another reason to support his/her position. A conclusion should restate the writer’s arguments and appeal to the readers to agree with his/her position. (“Another reasonwhy we shouldn't have a limit in America because people might want to visit America”)
Language Use, Voice, and Style
The essay exhibits inadequate use of language, style, and tone. The writer demonstrates little evidence of style, tone, or control of language. He/she uses confusing or incoherent word choice and exhibits no awareness of audience. The writer makes major errors in sentence structure.
The writer uses imprecise and ineffective language; for example, the word “probably” suggests uncertainty and is more indicative of an opinion than a factual statement. The style and tone of the writing weaken the writer’s voice and produce an unconvincing argument. (“ they probably want to come in America because they like are culture. They probably did not like where they were living.”)
Mechanics and Conventions
The essay exhibits inadequate control of mechanics and conventions. The essay contains errors so severe in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, and spelling that they significantly interfere with the communication of the message.
To make the essay more effective, the writer should ensure that each sentence has a subject and a verb, begin each sentence with a capital letter, end each sentence with an appropriate punctuation mark, indicate new paragraphs with the use of line breaks, and check the spelling of chosen words. (“Another reasonwhy we shouldn't have a limit in America because people might want to visit America”)
The writer should click on MY Editor for more ways to improve his/her writing.