Your school just created a new student organization called "Debate Club" which you have joined. The first topic up for debate is: Does too much parental involvement hinder a child's independence? To prepare for the first meeting, you must determine your opinion about this topic based on all of the information you have read and analyzed, as well as your own experiences.
Determine your position on the topic: Does too much parental involvement hinder a child's independence? Then write a well-developed essay in which you make a claim that clearly answers this question. Defend your claim with clear reasons and relevant evidence from the sources you have read, viewed, and analyzed, as well as from your own experience.
Score Point 6 - very effectively communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Parents today spend more time worrying about their kids' futures and decisions rather than on their own needs. From daily lives to the school environment, parents prove to be a constant factor in their children's experiences and daily activities. The parents eventually become so involved that society recognizes them as "helicopter parents." Helicopter parenting is when a parent hovers, like a helicopter, over their child like a shield and becomes extremely involved with every aspect of their children's lives. Parents can develop these habits as soon as their baby is born and may carry on through college and adulthood. Many arguments surrounding this behavior are addressed in various articles and the news. Eventually, the controversial question arose of whether or not this "helicopter parenting" is hindering children's abilities. While there are many opinions on the topic, I believe that involved parenting is beneficial, but parents should avoid making themselves too big of an influence in their children's lives. Children need advice from their parents, but they must still learn to be independent. This type of parenting can also prove to be beneficial for both the child and the parent.
First and foremost, though society may not believe the reality, children need the advice their parents can provide. Their parents have lived through all of their lives' events and experiences, and can provide useful information to their children. They can guide their children past life-changing mistakes and dangers, proving to be a lighthouse guiding their children past the rocky seas of life. As many concerned parents would argue, "There are a lot of problems and issues they aren't ready to face alone yet" (Fletcher). Children need an adult in their life to provide them with advice and support to get through the stress and obstacles of life they will encounter. I have a friend whose parents are not very involved with her school. All of the stress from high school and her classes are built up inside of her, without anybody to help her relieve it. In fact, she ends up coming to me for help with her work and dealing with all the stress. As one mother believes, "Having a parent continue to be a frequent presence in their school lives is one of the best ways to ensure young adolescents don't make too many big mistakes" (Fletcher). Without the involved parenting that society seems to despise, there would be adults who had more undesirable memories than necessary.
On the other hand, parents shouldn't be too involved. Children still need to learn to be independent and on their own in the real world. As many people believe, "too much help will be detrimental to their child's independence" (Whitbourne 2). In a country like America, independence is an important factor in citizens' lives. Parents shouldn't suppress that right in their children, even though they have the positive intention of helping them. Too much interfering from parents is having a statistical effect on the children today. From studies conducted, "young adults entering college... are somewhat lacking in life skills like self-reliance, sharing, and conflict resolution" (Whitbourne 8). In addition to this evidence, there are many evident signs of less independence and over-parenting. I know people who don't go anywhere without their friends' opinions on their idea, along with refusing to make even the smallest decisions without their parents. However, no matter what society claims, involved parenting is not completely detrimental, as long as the parents' habits do not become over-involved.
The final reason to keep in mind is that involved parenting has the capability of being beneficial for both the parents and their child. "Children whose parents provided them with intense support experienced higher outcomes" (Strauss 5). No matter what society claims and defends, "Helicoptered children actually had higher life satisfaction and more clearly defined goals" (Strauss 5). The children that are "victims" of helicopter parenting are actually benefitting from their parents' behavior. Contrary to what society believes, parents are not "suffering" like their children, unhappy with their decisions. In fact, "parents of young adults report fewer depressive symptoms when they are heavily involved with their kids" (Strauss 2). While many believe over-protective parents would be more depressed with the fact that they work and watch over their children all day, they are happier with the fact that they are protecting their children.
Many studies have shown that over-parenting is not completely detrimental; nevertheless, many people still have their doubts. They believe parents can get too involved in their child's life, to the point where it becomes detrimental. Parents will get so caught up in trying to protect their children that they become oblivious to the possible side effects. However, as parents, they have a responsibility to know when they have crossed the line. If they do mean well for their children, then they should subconsciously realize when it is time to tone down their parenting and affections. Many parents have come face-to-face with reality already. They are trying hard to avoid being overprotective and an obvious helicopter parent. One interviewed parent stated that "letting her son fail is one of the hardest things" (Today) but that she knows that "[she] has to do it" (Today). People's doubts have been addressed by the responding actions of the parents being criticized. This shows that parents are very well aware of what their actions are triggering, so there should be no qualms about letting them continue on with their parenting style.
With all of this information in mind, I truly believe being an involved parent is not completely detrimental to the child. Children need the advice from reliable adults, but they must also learn to be independent with their choices in their lives. Society should do well to remember that parents have the natural mindset of doing what they believe is best for their children. They should be allowed to be as affectionate as they want if they believe it will have a positive effect on their child's wellbeing. In other words, society is telling parents how to raise their children, believing every child is suffering from the over-involved parenting. Overall, we should be grateful for the fact that parents today are extremely willing to be involved and loving, instead of ignorant and unconcerned for their child's future and safety.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus & Meaning
The essay has very effective focus and meaning . The writer establishes and maintains an insightful position to argue the issue presented in the prompt task . The essay reflects the writer’s thorough understanding of the purpose and intended audience. The writer satisfies all parts of the task and may go beyond the limits of the task.
After capturing the readers’ attention, the writer follows with his/her position concerning the debate. (“Many arguments surrounding this behavior are addressed in various articles and the news. Eventually, the controversial question arose of whether or not this ‘helicopter parenting’ is hindering children's abilities. While there are many opinions on the topic, I believe that involved parenting is beneficial, but parents should avoid making themselves too big of an influence in their children's lives. Children need advice from their parents, but they must still learn to be independent. This type of parenting can also prove to be beneficial for both the child and the parent.”)
All of the details used in the essay effectively relate to the writer’s position. (“First and foremost, though society may not believe the reality, children need the advice their parents can provide. Their parents have lived through all of their lives' events and experiences, and can provide useful information to their children. They can guide their children past life-changing mistakes and dangers, proving to be a lighthouse guiding their children past the rocky seas of life. As many concerned parents would argue, ‘There are a lot of problems and issues they aren't ready to face alone yet’ (Fletcher). Children need an adult in their life to provide them with advice and support to get through the stress and obstacles of life they will encounter.”)
The essay is very effectively focused on the controlling idea with supporting details that directly relate to the writer’s assertion that involved parenting is beneficial, as long as it is not overdone. (“In a country like America, independence is an important factor in citizens' lives. Parents shouldn't suppress that right in their children, even though they have the positive intention of helping them. Too much interfering from parents is having a statistical effect on the children today. From studies conducted, ‘young adults entering college... are somewhat lacking in life skills like self-reliance, sharing, and conflict resolution’ (Whitbourne 8). In addition to this evidence, there are many evident signs of less independence and over-parenting. I know people who don't go anywhere without their friends' opinions on their idea, along with refusing to make even the smallest decisions without their parents. However, no matter what society claims, involved parenting is not completely detrimental, as long as the parents' habits do not become over-involved.”)
Content & Development
The writer provides relevant and well-aligned content and development of ideas in the essay. He/she develops arguments u sing a wide variety of specific and appropriate details to support the asserted position on the effects of helicopter parenting on children’s independence. The writer aptly addresses the readers’ opposing viewpoints or counterarguments as well.
The writer addresses the readers’ concerns by effectively responding to those who might disagree with his/her position on the issue presented in the prompt task. (“Many studies have shown that over-parenting is not completely detrimental; nevertheless, many people still have their doubts. They believe parents can get too involved in their child's life, to the point where it becomes detrimental. Parents will get so caught up in trying to protect their children that they become oblivious to the possible side effects. However, as parents, they have a responsibility to know when they have crossed the line. If they do mean well for their children, then they should subconsciously realize when it is time to tone down their parenting and affections. Many parents have come face-to-face with reality already. They are trying hard to avoid being overprotective and an obvious helicopter parent.”)
The writer includes some personal anecdotes to explain or illustrate his/her position on the issue of helicopter parenting. (“I have a friend whose parents are not very involved with her school. All of the stress from high school and her classes are built up inside of her, without anybody to help her relieve it. In fact, she ends up coming to me for help with her work and dealing with all the stress. As one mother believes, ‘Having a parent continue to be a frequent presence in their school lives is one of the best ways to ensure young adolescents don't make too many big mistakes’ (Fletcher). Without the involved parenting that society seems to despise, there would be adults who had more undesirable memories than necessary.”)
The writer uses a variety of facts, statistics, examples, and/or quotations from resources to illustrate his/her point of view. (“No matter what society claims and defends, ‘Helicoptered children actually had higher life satisfaction and more clearly defined goals’ (Strauss 5). The children that are ‘victims’ of helicopter parenting are actually benefitting from their parents' behavior. Contrary to what society believes, parents are not ‘suffering’ like their children, unhappy with their decisions. In fact, ‘parents of young adults report fewer depressive symptoms when they are heavily involved with their kids’ (Strauss 2). While many believe over-protective parents would be more depressed with the fact that they work and watch over their children all day, they are happier with the fact that they are protecting their children.”)
Organization
The essay has very effective organization. It demonstrates a cohesive and unified structure with an engaging introduction and a strong conclusion. The effective use of paragraphs and transitional devices creates a unified and well-structured essay.
The introduction captures the readers’ attention by defining the ideas behind helicopter parenting. (“Parents today spend more time worrying about their kids' futures and decisions rather than on their own needs. From daily lives to the school environment, parents prove to be a constant factor in their children's experiences and daily activities. The parents eventually become so involved that society recognizes them as ‘helicopter parents.’ Helicopter parenting is when a parent hovers, like a helicopter, over their child like a shield and becomes extremely involved with every aspect of their children's lives. Parents can develop these habits as soon as their baby is born and may carry on through college and adulthood.”)
The writer uses transitions to help him/her move from one reason or idea to the next. Transitions help show how the writer’s ideas are related or connected. (“Many studies have shown that over-parenting is not completely detrimental; nevertheless, many people still have their doubts. They believe parents can get too involved in their child's life, to the point where it becomes detrimental. Parents will get so caught up in trying to protect their children that they become oblivious to the possible side effects. However, as parents, they have a responsibility to know when they have crossed the line. If they do mean well for their children, then they should subconsciously realize when it is time to tone down their parenting and affections.”)
The conclusion effectively underscores the main ideas presented in the argument and leaves the readers with a sense of closure. (“With all of this information in mind, I truly believe being an involved parent is not completely detrimental to the child. Children need the advice from reliable adults, but they must also learn to be independent with their choices in their lives. Society should do well to remember that parents have the natural mindset of doing what they believe is best for their children. They should be allowed to be as affectionate as they want if they believe it will have a positive effect on their child's wellbeing. In other words, society is telling parents how to raise their children, believing every child is suffering from the over-involved parenting. Overall, we should be grateful for the fact that parents today are extremely willing to be involved and loving, instead of ignorant and unconcerned for their child's future and safety.”)
Language Use & Style
The writer’s use of language, voice, and style is very effective. He/she demonstrates precise language and word choices, a defined voice, and a clear sense of audience. The use of well-structured and varied sentences contributes to the effectiveness of the essay.
The writer uses language effectively to make his/her writing more convincing. (“Society should do well to remember that parents have the natural mindset of doing what they believe is best for their children. They should be allowed to be as affectionate as they want if they believe it will have a positive effect on their child's wellbeing. In other words, society is telling parents how to raise their children, believing every child is suffering from the over-involved parenting. Overall, we should be grateful for the fact that parents today are extremely willing to be involved and loving, instead of ignorant and unconcerned for their child's future and safety.”)
The writer creates varied sentences by adding descriptive details and imagery as well as combining sentences with conjunctions and/or semicolons. (“First and foremost, though society may not believe the reality, children need the advice their parents can provide. Their parents have lived through all of their lives' events and experiences, and can provide useful information to their children. They can guide their children past life-changing mistakes and dangers, proving to be a lighthouse guiding their children past the rocky seas of life.”)
The coherent style and tone of the essay ensures that the readers thoroughly understand how the main and supporting points of all body paragraphs are related and how they strengthen the controlling point/thesis statement of the essay. (“The final reason to keep in mind is that involved parenting has the capability of being beneficial for both the parents and their child. ‘Children whose parents provided them with intense support experienced higher outcomes’ (Strauss 5). No matter what society claims and defends, ‘Helicoptered children actually had higher life satisfaction and more clearly defined goals’ (Strauss 5). The children that are ‘victims’ of helicopter parenting are actually benefitting from their parents' behavior. Contrary to what society believes, parents are not ‘suffering’ like their children, unhappy with their decisions. In fact, ‘parents of young adults report fewer depressive symptoms when they are heavily involved with their kids’ (Strauss 2).”)
Mechanics & Conventions
The writer demonstrates very effective control of mechanics and conventions in the essay. There are few or no errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, or spelling that would interfere with the writer’s message.
For example, each sentence begins with a capital letter, each sentence has a subject and a verb, each sentence ends with an appropriate punctuation mark, each paragraph is distinguished by a line break, and word choices are spelled correctly. (“In addition to this evidence, there are many evident signs of less independence and over-parenting. I know people who don't go anywhere without their friends' opinions on their idea, along with refusing to make even the smallest decisions without their parents. However, no matter what society claims, involved parenting is not completely detrimental, as long as the parents' habits do not become over-involved.”)
Score Point 5 - strongly communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Many parents these days are often too attached to their children. They control every waking second of their lives in hopes of protecting them from the dangers of the world. These so-called "Helicopter parents" can negatively affect their child in life, but possibly benefit them as well. I believe that helicopter parents serve to be more detrimental than beneficial to the young of this generation. This is due to the fact that they prevent their kids from growing to be independent; they negatively impact their child's education and they even plague themselves with self-doubt.
A major disservice committed by helicopter parents is the prevention of their kids growing to become independent people. Their efforts in controlling their children's lives forces the latter to depend on them for the rest of their lives. In the first source, "Putting Parents in Their Place: Outside Class, " by Valerie Strauss, it is said that, "Educators worry not only about how their school climates are affected by intrusive parents trying to set their own agendas but also the ability of young people to become independent, " (Strauss 6). Teachers and other school officials are concerned about parents who make an effort to control what occurs at school and deprive young people of the ability to become independent. If teachers are too busy having to worry about helicopter parents, then a large amount of time that could be used to teach the lesson might not be used effectively. When confronting an unidentified mother, she articulates that, "There are a lot of things I can't control...Terrorists, the environment. But I can control how my daughter spends her day, " (14). As a means of trying to protect her daughter from the dangers of the world, this Bethesda mother puts her child's life in her own hands without consent. This can lead to the child having a distasteful relationship with her mother and not being able to be their own person.
On top of their independence, the education of these children is also hindered by helicopter parents. These parents prevent their kids from having the best education they could possibly have by pestering teachers and creating many awkward situations. Remaining in source one, Strauss explains that teachers are "refusing to meet with parents they consider abusive..." (16). The helicopter parents have made it very difficult for teachers to communicate with them to the point where they don't even want to see each other. In turn, this can prevent the parents from being aware of their child's academic performance in school. At times, helicopter parents have been very frustrating to work with to the point where teachers "have tossed out children because their parents became too difficult to work with, " (16). School officials have had enough with the abusive parents of certain children, which has resulted in the eviction of the student from the school. Parents have basically robbed their adolescent from receiving an education, or at least made it much more difficult to get one.
Not only are adolescents affected by helicopter parents, but so are helicopter parents themselves. Some parents believe that something is wrong with them for being the way they are, causing a great deal of self-doubt within themselves. In the fourth source, "The Myth of Helicopter Parenting, " it has been found that, "...helicopter parents had many self-doubts as indicated by their lower life satisfaction, " (Krauss 5). These parents don't believe that what they are doing is right and have been making an effort to stop from being so attached to their child. This could lead to poor parenting from the parents, which in turn affects their kids as well as the latter's futures. Besides self-doubt, some parents have been reported to "feel that there's something wrong with them for having this type of relationship, " (5). The helicopter parents who feel this way believe that they are possibly mentally ill for having that kind of relationship with their child. A dark image of the parent may be painted in their child's eyes and also lead to bad parenting.
I understand that at times, helicopter parenting can be beneficial to the lives of children. In source two, "Letter From a Concerned Mother, " the concerned mother is confronted about the problems that children face in the real world. In response, she claims, "There are a lot of problems and issues they simply aren't ready to face alone yet, " (Concerned Mother 1). Although I do agree that there are some situations where kids can't defend themselves, I disagree on the fact that parents should be there to guide them every single step of the way. These children won't be ready for those problems if they never get the chance to face them alone. A great deal of learning to survive in this world comes from lots of experience, which is what is being deprived of if parents step in and help their child with all their issues.
If you are a parent or someone who plans on becoming one some day, do you believe that you should be there for your child every step of the way, or sit on the side at times where they can handle the situation themselves? Either way, it would be best to choose what you believe will help maintain a healthy relationship with your child and help them learn to survive out in the open world on their own.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus & Meaning
The focus and meaning in the essay are effective. The writer establishes and maintains a clear opinion/position/thesis statement to argue the issue and satisfies most parts of the prompt task. The writer is successful in d emonstrating a general understanding of the purpose of the task and his/her intended audience.
The writer’s thesis states what he/she believes about the issue. (“I believe that helicopter parents serve to be more detrimental than beneficial to the young of this generation. This is due to the fact that they prevent their kids from growing to be independent; they negatively impact their child's education and they even plague themselves with self-doubt.”)
All of the details used in the essay relate to the writer’s opinion. (“Besides self-doubt, some parents have been reported to ‘feel that there's something wrong with them for having this type of relationship,’ (5). The helicopter parents who feel this way believe that they are possibly mentally ill for having that kind of relationship with their child. A dark image of the parent may be painted in their child's eyes and also lead to bad parenting. ”)
The language of the thesis fits the examples well. (“Teachers and other school officials are concerned about parents who make an effort to control what occurs at school and deprive young people of the ability to become independent. If teachers are too busy having to worry about helicopter parents, then a large amount of time that could be used to teach the lesson might not be used effectively. When confronting an unidentified mother, she articulates that, ‘There are a lot of things I can't control...Terrorists, the environment. But I can control how my daughter spends her day,’ (14). ”)
Content & Development
The writer provides effective development of ideas using relevant content in the essay. He/she develops arguments using specific details to support the stated position. Additionally, the writer clearly addresses the readers' opposing viewpoints or counterarguments.
The writer addresses the readers’ concerns by responding to those who might disagree with his/her own stance on the issue. (“I understand that at times, helicopter parenting can be beneficial to the lives of children. In source two, ‘Letter From a Concerned Mother,’ the concerned mother is confronted about the problems that children face in the real world. In response, she claims, ‘There are a lot of problems and issues they simply aren't ready to face alone yet,’ (Concerned Mother 1). Although I do agree that there are some situations where kids can't defend themselves, I disagree on the fact that parents should be there to guide them every single step of the way. These children won't be ready for those problems if they never get the chance to face them alone. A great deal of learning to survive in this world comes from lots of experience, which is what is being deprived of if parents step in and help their child with all their issues. ”)
The writer provides well-balanced and comprehensive details. (“On top of their independence, the education of these children is also hindered by helicopter parents. These parents prevent their kids from having the best education they could possibly have by pestering teachers and creating many awkward situations. Remaining in source one, Strauss explains that teachers are ‘refusing to meet with parents they consider abusive...’ (16). The helicopter parents have made it very difficult for teachers to communicate with them to the point where they don't even want to see each other. In turn, this can prevent the parents from being aware of their child's academic performance in school. ”)
Details explain and illustrate each main idea well. (“A major disservice committed by helicopter parents is the prevention of their kids growing to become independent people. Their efforts in controlling their children's lives forces the latter to depend on them for the rest of their lives. In the first source, ‘Putting Parents in Their Place: Outside Class,’ by Valerie Strauss, it is said that, ‘Educators worry not only about how their school climates are affected by intrusive parents trying to set their own agendas but also the ability of young people to become independent,’ (Strauss 6). ”)
Organization
The essay demonstrates a mostly unified structure with a good introduction and conclusion. There is consistent use of paragraphing and subtle transitions, which keeps the flow of the argument smooth and consistent.
The writer clearly states the thesis at the end of the introduction. (“I believe that helicopter parents serve to be more detrimental than beneficial to the young of this generation. This is due to the fact that they prevent their kids from growing to be independent; they negatively impact their child's education and they even plague themselves with self-doubt. ”)
Subtle transitions help show how the writer’s ideas are related or connected. (“Not only are adolescents affected by helicopter parents, but so are helicopter parents themselves. Some parents believe that something is wrong with them for being the way they are, causing a great deal of self-doubt within themselves. In the fourth source, ‘The Myth of Helicopter Parenting,’ it has been found that, ‘...helicopter parents had many self-doubts as indicated by their lower life satisfaction,’ (Krauss 5). These parents don't believe that what they are doing is right and have been making an effort to stop from being so attached to their child. This could lead to poor parenting from the parents, which in turn affects their kids as well as the latter's futures. Besides self-doubt, some parents have been reported to ‘feel that there's something wrong with them for having this type of relationship,’ (5). ”)
The conclusion, although brief, summarizes the writer's argument and leaves the readers with something to think about. (“If you are a parent or someone who plans on becoming one some day, do you believe that you should be there for your child every step of the way, or sit on the side at times where they can handle the situation themselves? Either way, it would be best to choose what you believe will help maintain a healthy relationship with your child and help them learn to survive out in the open world on their own. ”)
Language Use & Style
There is good use of language, voice, and style in the essay. The writer demonstrates appropriate language and word choice, some evidence of voice, and a clear sense of audience. The use of many well-structured sentences with some variety adds to the effectiveness of the writer’s argument.
The writer uses good language to argue his/her position on the issue effectively. (“These so-called ‘Helicopter parents’ can negatively affect their child in life, but possibly benefit them as well. I believe that helicopter parents serve to be more detrimental than beneficial to the young of this generation. This is due to the fact that they prevent their kids from growing to be independent; they negatively impact their child's education and they even plague themselves with self-doubt. ”)
There are portions of the essay that contain some awkward sentence structures and singular-plural disagreement issues. The writer should proofread his/her sentence structures to assure the effective communication of ideas. (“These children won't be ready for those problems if they never get the chance to face them alone. A great deal of learning to survive in this world comes from lots of experience, which is what is being deprived of if parents step in and help their child with all their issues. ”)
The language and tone are consistent with the writer’s viewpoint. (“The helicopter parents have made it very difficult for teachers to communicate with them to the point where they don't even want to see each other. In turn, this can prevent the parents from being aware of their child's academic performance in school. At times, helicopter parents have been very frustrating to work with to the point where teachers ‘have tossed out children because their parents became too difficult to work with,’ (16). ”) The coherent style and tone of the essay ensures that the readers thoroughly understand how the main and supporting points of all body paragraphs are related and how they strengthen the controlling point/thesis statement of the essay.
Mechanics & Conventions
The writer has good control of mechanics and conventions. The essay contains a few errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, or spelling, but they do not significantly interfere with the writer’s message.
For example, sentences begin with capital letters, sentences have a subject and a verb, sentences end with appropriate punctuation marks, paragraphs are distinguished by line breaks, and words are spelled correctly. (“School officials have had enough with the abusive parents of certain children, which has resulted in the eviction of the student from the school. Parents have basically robbed their adolescent from receiving an education, or at least made it much more difficult to get one. ”)
Score Point 4 - adequately communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Parents are an essential part of our lives. Helping us with our homework, supporting us on our sport or teaching us skills that we could use in the future. However, some parents take it too far, by being over bearing. These people are called "Helicopter Parents", individuals who are too overprotective and want to control their children's lives. Helicopter parents are overly-involved in the activities of their children, frequently calling their child's teachers, sending e-mails, text messages, and sometimes even both (paragraph 15 - source 1). Although some contend that being over-involved in their children's lives is beneficial to their child, I believe that too much parental engagement can hinder a child's independence.
A major concern when parents are too involved in the lives of their children, their child will miss out on normal experiences, such as: hanging out with their friends, going to school dances, and trying new things. As stated on the article by Susan Krauss Whitborne, "if you want them to become more productive members of society with reasonably normal lives, then keep the hugs and kisses to a minimum" (paragraph 7 - source 4). Which implies that if parents want their children to have normal lives and become functional members of society, they should let their children experience what most kids do, that way whatever norms are to average children, will not become the most unusual activity for one's child. In my experience in 7th grade, me and some of my friends had to go to a supply store to buy some supplies for our class since we had a school celebration and all grade levels were competing with each other, we were with a friend who had never tried or had been to a supply store without her parents and was not sure what she had to do.
Along with this, having helicopter parents can make one's child become more dependent. Hovering parents obstruct "the ability of young people to become independent" (paragraph 6 - source3). They try to do deeds in place for their child, thinking it would be beneficial for the child, but it only contributes to their dependency. It can lessen the child's knowledge of real life activities that they might use when they become adults. For example, I had encountered, in my past years in school, a student who did not know or had no knowledge on how to ride public transportation, she had no idea how much to pay to the driver, she was very nervous about her first ride and she had to be constantly reassured by her friends who were also riding with her.
Having hyper-involved parents can be beneficial to children, since their parents can help them when they are struggling and they will also feel supported because "[they will] know they have someone cheering for them every step of the way" (paragraph 2 - source 2). This implies that there are also favorable sides of millenial generation parents. I was once in acquaintance with a girl who had over-protective guardians, whom were her grandparents and her older cousin, and she was well-mannered, polite, funny, creative, and talented. Her parents who were working abroad always sent her tools or utensils for painting and drawing, because they supported her in what she loved to do.
Even though over-involved parents have good intentions, it can lead to the impediment of a child's personal development. To illustrate "there is a desire to protect youngsters from a tougher and more competitive culture" (paragraph 2 - source 2), this desire will keep children from experiencing events that can help them on how to react to an event or how to do some things on their own when they are older. In my experience, a child did not know and could not cross the road by herself because she was not allowed to go out of the house and spend time with her friends, which also refers back to a child not being able to go through normal occurrences and becoming too reliant on one's parents.
Therefore, a parent's over-involvement in their child's life, even with good intentions in their hearts and minds, can ruin their child's chance to an ordinary life. If society wants productive citizens whom are independent, parents should rethink their involvement.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus & Meaning
The writer provides adequate focus and meaning in the essay. He/she establishes a position about whether too much parental involvement hinders a child’s independence and adequately attempts to argue the issue presented in the prompt task . Additionally, the writer demonstrates a basic understanding of the purpose of the task and his/her intended audience. He/she satisfies many parts of the prompt task.
The writer’s thesis adequately states what he/she believes about the issue. (“Although some contend that being over-involved in their children's lives is beneficial to their child, I believe that too much parental engagement can hinder a child's independence.”)
Most of the details used in the essay relate to the writer’s opinion. (“A major concern when parents are too involved in the lives of their children, their child will miss out on normal experiences, such as: hanging out with their friends, going to school dances, and trying new things. As stated on the article by Susan Krauss Whitborne, ‘if you want them to become more productive members of society with reasonably normal lives, then keep the hugs and kisses to a minimum’ (paragraph 7 - source 4). Which implies that if parents want their children to have normal lives and become functional members of society, they should let their children experience what most kids do, that way whatever norms are to average children, will not become the most unusual activity for one's child.”)
The language of the thesis fits the examples well. (“Along with this, having helicopter parents can make one's child become more dependent. Hovering parents obstruct ‘the ability of young people to become independent’ (paragraph 6 - source3). They try to do deeds in place for their child, thinking it would be beneficial for the child, but it only contributes to their dependency. It can lessen the child's knowledge of real life activities that they might use when they become adults.”)
Content & Development
The essay contains adequate content and development. The writer develops arguments using some specific and relevant details to support the asserted position. However, he/she only briefly addresses the readers’ opposing counterarguments. Incorporating more specific, appropriate, and relevant supporting details in each paragraph to explain and illustrate main ideas would bolster the argument in a meaningful way.
Most of the writer’s details support the argument for why helicopter parents hinder a child’s independence. (“Even though over-involved parents have good intentions, it can lead to the impediment of a child's personal development. To illustrate ‘there is a desire to protect youngsters from a tougher and more competitive culture’ (paragraph 2 - source 2), this desire will keep children from experiencing events that can help them on how to react to an event or how to do some things on their own when they are older. In my experience, a child did not know and could not cross the road by herself because she was not allowed to go out of the house and spend time with her friends, which also refers back to a child not being able to go through normal occurrences and becoming too reliant on one's parents.”)
The details used to explain the main ideas in the body paragraphs are adequate. (“Along with this, having helicopter parents can make one's child become more dependent. Hovering parents obstruct ‘the ability of young people to become independent’ (paragraph 6 - source3). They try to do deeds in place for their child, thinking it would be beneficial for the child, but it only contributes to their dependency. It can lessen the child's knowledge of real life activities that they might use when they become adults. For example, I had encountered, in my past years in school, a student who did not know or had no knowledge on how to ride public transportation, she had no idea how much to pay to the driver, she was very nervous about her first ride and she had to be constantly reassured by her friends who were also riding with her.”)
The writer addresses the readers’ concerns by responding to those who might disagree with his/her position on the issue. A solid persuasive argument always addresses the counter viewpoints, and in this case, the writer could devote more content to the paragraph earmarked for the opposing viewpoints. The writer can integrate statistics, examples, or experiences from resources to bolster this section of the essay. (“Having hyper-involved parents can be beneficial to children, since their parents can help them when they are struggling and they will also feel supported because ‘[they will] know they have someone cheering for them every step of the way’ (paragraph 2 - source 2). This implies that there are also favorable sides of millenial generation parents. I was once in acquaintance with a girl who had over-protective guardians, whom were her grandparents and her older cousin, and she was well-mannered, polite, funny, creative, and talented. Her parents who were working abroad always sent her tools or utensils for painting and drawing, because they supported her in what she loved to do.”)
Organization
The writer provides adequate organization in the essay. The essay demonstrates a generally unified structure with a noticeable introduction and conclusion. There is consistent use of paragraphing and transitional devices. Overall, the writer’s message is adequate for the task presented.
The introduction adequately grabs the readers’ attention. (“Parents are an essential part of our lives. Helping us with our homework, supporting us on our sport or teaching us skills that we could use in the future. However, some parents take it too far, by being over bearing. These people are called ‘Helicopter Parents’, individuals who are too overprotective and want to control their children's lives. Helicopter parents are overly-involved in the activities of their children, frequently calling their child's teachers, sending e-mails, text messages, and sometimes even both (paragraph 15 - source 1). Although some contend that being over-involved in their children's lives is beneficial to their child, I believe that too much parental engagement can hinder a child's independence.”)
The writer uses transitions that help him/her move from one reason or idea to the next. (“Along with this, having helicopter parents can make one's child become more dependent. Hovering parents obstruct ‘the ability of young people to become independent’ (paragraph 6 - source3). They try to do deeds in place for their child, thinking it would be beneficial for the child, but it only contributes to their dependency.”) Transitional words help demonstrate how the writer’s ideas are related or connected.
The conclusion, although brief, gives the readers a sense of closure. (“Therefore, a parent's over-involvement in their child's life, even with good intentions in their hearts and minds, can ruin their child's chance to an ordinary life. If society wants productive citizens whom are independent, parents should rethink their involvement.”)
Language Use & Style
The writer exhibits adequate language use, voice, and style. He/she employs appropriate language and word choices with an awareness of audience and control of voice. Additionally, there is an attempt at more complex sentence structures with some variety.
Sentence lengths are adequately varied. (“Having hyper-involved parents can be beneficial to children, since their parents can help them when they are struggling and they will also feel supported because ‘[they will] know they have someone cheering for them every step of the way’ (paragraph 2 - source 2). This implies that there are also favorable sides of millenial generation parents. I was once in acquaintance with a girl who had over-protective guardians, whom were her grandparents and her older cousin, and she was well-mannered, polite, funny, creative, and talented.”)
The writer’s language and tone are consistent throughout the essay. (“Even though over-involved parents have good intentions, it can lead to the impediment of a child's personal development. To illustrate ‘there is a desire to protect youngsters from a tougher and more competitive culture’ (paragraph 2 - source 2), this desire will keep children from experiencing events that can help them on how to react to an event or how to do some things on their own when they are older.”)
The writer demonstrates adequate voice in the presentation of arguments in the essay. (“A major concern when parents are too involved in the lives of their children, their child will miss out on normal experiences, such as: hanging out with their friends, going to school dances, and trying new things. As stated on the article by Susan Krauss Whitborne, ‘if you want them to become more productive members of society with reasonably normal lives, then keep the hugs and kisses to a minimum’ (paragraph 7 - source 4). Which implies that if parents want their children to have normal lives and become functional members of society, they should let their children experience what most kids do, that way whatever norms are to average children, will not become the most unusual activity for one's child.”)
Mechanics & Conventions
The writer demonstrates adequate control of mechanics and conventions . The essay contains some errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, or spelling, but they do not significantly interfere with the communication of the message.
For example, sentences begin with capital letters, sentences have a subject and a verb, sentences end with appropriate punctuation marks, paragraphs are distinguished by line breaks, and most word choices are spelled correctly. (“They try to do deeds in place for their child, thinking it would be beneficial for the child, but it only contributes to their dependency. It can lessen the child's knowledge of real life activities that they might use when they become adults. For example, I had encountered, in my past years in school, a student who did not know or had no knowledge on how to ride public transportation, she had no idea how much to pay to the driver, she was very nervous about her first ride and she had to be constantly reassured by her friends who were also riding with her. ”)
Score Point 3 - partially communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Helicopter parenting has Led to situations that have kicked out children from their schools, because of their parents poor behavior and inability to stay away from their children for only six hours. helicopter parenting led's to problems for the child such as robing the children of their independence. helicopter parenting also led's to too controlling parents that don't allow their child to fail which isn't good for the children because people need to fail in life to succeed in life. helicopter parenting does hinder the independence of a child due to robing of independence, being too controlling, and the symbolic value of children.
The first reason to explain my claim about helicopter parenting hinders that they rob dependence of children is that helicopter parenting robs children of their independence. The reason that this robs the children from their independence is because when a child is is robed from their independence and becomes dependent it's due to the parents behavior. When children becomes too dependent its bad because when he/she is all grown up their parents and teachers wont be there to help him fix his mistakes. Once a child becomes and adult ready for college and leaves his/her home and parents, the hovered on child no longer has someone to rely on such as his parents who used to spoil him/her and will fail in life without independence.
the another reason that helicopter parenting hinders a child's independence is that the parents can become too controlling to handle. the reason that parents become to controlling is because in their eyes the child will never grow up and will always remain their baby. Parents that become to controlling end up to make their children spoiled because they give the child everything they want and make them spoiled which is a bad trait in life. children who are controlled by their parents become programmed by their parents not to fail which could end badly in life because we need to fail in life in order to proceed to success.
the last reason that helicopter parenting can hinder the independence of a child's well being is that parents get their children get kicked out of schools due to the parents behavior. parents that become to needy and feel that they need to see their children, start to sign up for parent programs at school, and try to be in the child's life even more than they already were. Parents start to become needy and annoying to teachers, when the child gets a detention or gets a bad grade the parents start to freak out going on about how their little angle wouldn't do such a thing spoiling their children
I will concede that if you have helicopter parents the child will end up getting higher life satisfaction. The higher life satisfaction could prove that the people with theses parents will not always cause the child of the parents to be a spoiled brat. when the child gets these higher life satisfaction it means that they will feel happier that a child not hovered upon because he or she doesn't feel as cared for as a hovered on child.
Helicopter parenting does hinder the independence of a child which could end in many ways bad for a child. when a child has been hovered by helicopter parents the child begins to turn spoiled, too dependent, and to programmed to do simple everyday tasks such as chores and other subjects. when children become to dependent on their parents they realize that every time you mess up you have to fix it yourself.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus & Meaning
There is limited focus and meaning in the essay. The writer states a position on the argument of whether too much parental involvement hinders a child's independence but may be unclear or underdeveloped in arguing the issue adequately. Additionally, the writer demonstrates a limited understanding of the purpose and audience and only manages to complete some parts of the task.
The writer expresses a limited thesis statement with some understanding of the purpose of the task and the intended audience. (“helicopter parenting does hinder the independence of a child due to robing of independence, being too controlling, and the symbolic value of children.”)
There is a limited amount of detail used to relate the writer’s position on the issue presented in the prompt task. The writer touches upon a few ideas that could potentially support the argument, but he/she does not go into enough detail for the argument to stand on its own. (“…parents get their children get kicked out of schools due to the parents behavior. parents that become to needy and feel that they need to see their children, start to sign up for parent programs at school, and try to be in the child's life even more than they already were. Parents start to become needy and annoying to teachers, when the child gets a detention or gets a bad grade the parents start to freak out going on about how their little angle wouldn't do such a thing spoiling their children ”)
The writer demonstrates a limited understanding of audience. He/she attempts to address the readers but is very limited in providing ideas to counter any potential concerns. (“I will concede that if you have helicopter parents the child will end up getting higher life satisfaction. The higher life satisfaction could prove that the people with theses parents will not always cause the child of the parents to be a spoiled brat. when the child gets these higher life satisfaction it means that they will feel happier that a child not hovered upon because he or she doesn't feel as cared for as a hovered on child.”)
Content & Development
The essay has limited content and development. The writer develops arguments briefly and inconsistently, using insufficient details to support his/her position on whether too much parental involvement hinders a child's independence. The writer attempts to address the readers' opposing viewpoints, but he/she does not integrate effective counterarguments into the essay.
The writer is limited in addressing the readers’ concerns by responding to those who might disagree with his/her stated position. (“I will concede that if you have helicopter parents the child will end up getting higher life satisfaction. The higher life satisfaction could prove that the people with theses parents will not always cause the child of the parents to be a spoiled brat. when the child gets these higher life satisfaction it means that they will feel happier that a child not hovered upon because he or she doesn't feel as cared for as a hovered on child. ”)
The writer mentions a few ideas but does not expand on them sufficiently to ensure the readers understand the implications of each in relation to the argument presented in the prompt task. (“The first reason to explain my claim about helicopter parenting hinders that they rob dependence of children is that helicopter parenting robs children of their independence. The reason that this robs the children from their independence is because when a child is is robed from their independence and becomes dependent it's due to the parents behavior. When children becomes too dependent its bad because when he/she is all grown up their parents and teachers wont be there to help him fix his mistakes.”)
The essay needs details that are clear and specific. Details could include specific examples, facts, brief narratives, or explanations. The writer provides a few ideas for the ways helicopter parenting can be negative for a child, but the supporting examples are too limited to reinforce his/her position on the issue. (“Parents that become to controlling end up to make their children spoiled because they give the child everything they want and make them spoiled which is a bad trait in life. children who are controlled by their parents become programmed by their parents not to fail which could end badly in life because we need to fail in life in order to proceed to success.”)
Organization
The organization of ideas in the essay is limited at best. The essay exhibits evidence of structure with an uncertain introduction and conclusion. The writer incorporates the use of paragraphing, but there is a lack of effective transitional devices that would assist in flow and consistency.
The writer attempts to grab the readers’ attention in the beginning by offering examples of helicopter parenting behaviors. (“Helicopter parenting has Led to situations that have kicked out children from their schools, because of their parents poor behavior and inability to stay away from their children for only six hours. helicopter parenting led's to problems for the child such as robing the children of their independence. helicopter parenting also led's to too controlling parents that don't allow their child to fail which isn't good for the children because people need to fail in life to succeed in life.”)
Effective transitions are not included within paragraphs and between sentences. B ecause of the lack of transitional devices, the readers may not be led to a logical conclusion. (“the another reason that helicopter parenting hinders a child's independence is that the parents can become too controlling to handle. the reason that parents become to controlling is because in their eyes the child will never grow up and will always remain their baby. Parents that become to controlling end up to make their children spoiled because they give the child everything they want and make them spoiled which is a bad trait in life. children who are controlled by their parents become programmed by their parents not to fail which could end badly in life because we need to fail in life in order to proceed to success. ”) The writer should click on the MY Access! Word Bank to discover more effective transitions.
The essay does not contain a strong conclusion. The conclusion restates the writer’s position in a limited way, but it does not restate arguments, leave the readers with something to think about, or tell them what to do next. (“Helicopter parenting does hinder the independence of a child which could end in many ways bad for a child. when a child has been hovered by helicopter parents the child begins to turn spoiled, too dependent, and to programmed to do simple everyday tasks such as chores and other subjects. when children become to dependent on their parents they realize that every time you mess up you have to fix it yourself.”)
Language Use & Style
The use of language, voice, and style is limited in the essay. The writer demonstrates some awareness of audience and control of voice. However, he/she relies on simple language with poorly constructed sentences and repetitive word choices.
Due to many run-on sentences throughout the essay, it is difficult to follow the writer’s ideas. (“Parents that become to controlling end up to make their children spoiled because they give the child everything they want and make them spoiled which is a bad trait in life. children who are controlled by their parents become programmed by their parents not to fail which could end badly in life because we need to fail in life in order to proceed to success. ”)
The writer does not demonstrate a strong voice in the essay. Many of the supporting ideas lose their focus, and the style in which ideas are presented is weak and repetitive in nature. (“the last reason that helicopter parenting can hinder the independence of a child's well being is that parents get their children get kicked out of schools due to the parents behavior. parents that become to needy and feel that they need to see their children, start to sign up for parent programs at school, and try to be in the child's life even more than they already were. Parents start to become needy and annoying to teachers, when the child gets a detention or gets a bad grade the parents start to freak out going on about how their little angle wouldn't do such a thing spoiling their children ”)
There are syntax issues in many portions of the essay. (“helicopter parenting led's to problems for the child such as robing the children of their independence. helicopter parenting also led's to too controlling parents that don't allow their child to fail which isn't good for the children because people need to fail in life to succeed in life. ”)
Mechanics & Conventions
There is limited control of mechanics and conventions in the essay. There are several noticeable errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, or spelling that may interfere with the communication of the message.
To write an effective essay, the writer must ensure that each sentence begins with a capital letter, each sentence has a subject and a verb, each sentence ends with a punctuation mark, and word choices are spelled correctly. (“children who are controlled by their parents become programmed by their parents not to fail which could end badly in life because we need to fail in life in order to proceed to success. the last reason that helicopter parenting can hinder the independence of a child's well being is that parents get their children get kicked out of schools due to the parents behavior.”)
The writer should click on MY Editor for more ways to improve his/her writing.
Score Point 2 - limited in the communication of the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Is helicopter parenting bad for your kids? Helicopter parents are parents that are always wanting to help there kids no matter how small it is. Clam: in discussions of parenting is a controversial issues has been helicopter parenting. Some people believe it is beneficial for kids others think it hinders kids independence. My own view is that helicopter parents don't let there kids do there own thing.
First, the kids are always told what to do in there lifes Sttauss, "they have been the most protected and programmed children ever." Sttauss's point is that parents are to protective of there kids, and are badly in charge of there life. In addition, the kids have stress on them. According to sttauss source 1 stats "parents and control how there kids spend there day." In making this comment Sttauss argues that helicopter parents are a part of there lives 24/7, and help them no matter how easy or small it is. Furthermore, parents need to let there kids have a little more freedom. In source 2, Fletcher states, this mom thinks kids need someone with them every step of the way in there lifes, and someone cheering them on. The importance of this argument is that kids need more freedom from there parents and not by there side 24/7 as well as helping them with small things.
Nevertheless, parents or helicopter parents would probably disagree the idea that to much parenting involvement hinders there child's independence. For example source 2"parents volunteer, and cheer them on overly. Parents try to stop as in source 3 because they are being to overly protective of there kids.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus & Meaning
The writer provides minimal focus and meaning. He/she d emonstrates little attempt at stating a clearly defined thesis or arguing the issue presented in the prompt task. The writer demonstrates a minimal understanding of the purpose and audience and c ompletes only a few parts of the task.
The writer does not assert a clearly defined position on the issue. (“Clam: in discussions of parenting is a controversial issues has been helicopter parenting. Some people believe it is beneficial for kids others think it hinders kids independence. My own view is that helicopter parents don't let there kids do there own thing.”)
The writer demonstrates a minimal understanding of audience by using informal, repetitive language to address the intended readers. (“My own view is that helicopter parents don't let there kids do there own thing. First, the kids are always told what to do in there lifes Sttauss, ‘they have been the most protected and programmed children ever.’ Sttauss's point is that parents are to protective of there kids, and are badly in charge of there life.”)
The writer does not use sufficient details to support the thesis, which is minimally stated. (“In making this comment Sttauss argues that helicopter parents are a part of there lives 24/7, and help them no matter how easy or small it is. Furthermore, parents need to let there kids have a little more freedom. In source 2, Fletcher states, this mom thinks kids need someone with them every step of the way in there lifes, and someone cheering them on. The importance of this argument is that kids need more freedom from there parents and not by there side 24/7 as well as helping them with small things.”)
Content & Development
The writer develops arguments incompletely and inadequately, using few details to support his/her position on the argument of whether too much parental involvement hinders a child's independence. The writer may not consider the readers’ opposing viewpoints or counterarguments, leaving the essay one-sided and minimally developed at best.
There is minimal evidence that explains or supports the writer’s position on the issue presented in the prompt task. (“My own view is that helicopter parents don't let there kids do there own thing. First, the kids are always told what to do in there lifes Sttauss, ‘they have been the most protected and programmed children ever.’ Sttauss's point is that parents are to protective of there kids, and are badly in charge of there life. In addition, the kids have stress on them. According to sttauss source 1 stats ‘parents and control how there kids spend there day.’”)
Because the writer’s response to the prompt task is minimal, the essay does not contain at least three main ideas as evidence. The writer should keep in mind that each main idea should be written as a topic sentence in its own body paragraph. (“Furthermore, parents need to let there kids have a little more freedom. In source 2, Fletcher states, this mom thinks kids need someone with them every step of the way in there lifes, and someone cheering them on. The importance of this argument is that kids need more freedom from there parents and not by there side 24/7 as well as helping them with small things.”)
Important details are needed to explain and illustrate each main idea. These details can include specific examples, facts, brief narratives, or explanations. Providing these details will result in an essay that integrates solid evidence into the writer’s position on the issue. Without these details, the writer tends to repeat the same theme throughout the essay. (“In making this comment Sttauss argues that helicopter parents are a part of there lives 24/7, and help them no matter how easy or small it is. Furthermore, parents need to let there kids have a little more freedom. In source 2, Fletcher states, this mom thinks kids need someone with them every step of the way in there lifes, and someone cheering them on. The importance of this argument is that kids need more freedom from there parents and not by there side 24/7 as well as helping them with small things.”)
The writer does not devote enough content to address potential counterarguments. (“Nevertheless, parents or helicopter parents would probably disagree the idea that to much parenting involvement hinders there child's independence. For example source 2‘parents volunteer, and cheer them on overly. Parents try to stop as in source 3 because they are being to overly protective of there kids.”)
Organization
The writer employs minimal organization in the essay. The essay demonstrates minimal structure with a poor introduction and conclusion. Additionally, paragraphing and transitional devices are used minimally in the presentation of the writer’s ideas.
The essay demonstrates little evidence of an effective introduction. (“Is helicopter parenting bad for your kids? Helicopter parents are parents that are always wanting to help there kids no matter how small it is.”)
The writer does not create supporting paragraphs that reflect his/her stance on the position effectively. Also, transitions are minimally included within paragraphs or between sentences. (“Sttauss's point is that parents are to protective of there kids, and are badly in charge of there life. In addition, the kids have stress on them. According to sttauss source 1 stats ‘parents and control how there kids spend there day.’ In making this comment Sttauss argues that helicopter parents are a part of there lives 24/7, and help them no matter how easy or small it is. Furthermore, parents need to let there kids have a little more freedom.”)
The essay does not contain a strong conclusion that restates the main argument. The conclusion does not leave the readers with something to think about, nor does it tell them what to do next concerning the issue at hand. (“Nevertheless, parents or helicopter parents would probably disagree the idea that to much parenting involvement hinders there child's independence. For example source 2‘parents volunteer, and cheer them on overly. Parents try to stop as in source 3 because they are being to overly protective of there kids.”)
Language Use & Style
The writer exhibits minimal language use, voice, and style. The essay reveals poor language and word choices, little awareness of audience, and basic errors in sentence structure and usage.
Sentences in the essay are not well structured. (“In source 2, Fletcher states, this mom thinks kids need someone with them every step of the way in there lifes, and someone cheering them on. The importance of this argument is that kids need more freedom from there parents and not by there side 24/7 as well as helping them with small things. ”)
The writer does not provide a clear voice that emphasizes his/her position on the argument of whether too much parental involvement hinders a child's independence. (“First, the kids are always told what to do in there lifes Sttauss, ‘they have been the most protected and programmed children ever.’ Sttauss's point is that parents are to protective of there kids, and are badly in charge of there life.”)
The writer does not incorporate effective language to argue his/her point of view on the issue being debated. The writer should click on the MY Access! Word Bank to discover word choices that would emphasize his/her message in a more convincing way. (“Nevertheless, parents or helicopter parents would probably disagree the idea that to much parenting involvement hinders there child's independence. For example source 2 ‘parents volunteer, and cheer them on overly. Parents try to stop as in source 3 because they are being to overly protective of there kids. ”)
Mechanics & Conventions
The writer demonstrates minimal control of mechanics and conventions in the essay. He/she commits patterns of errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, or spelling that may interfere with the communication of the intended message.
The writer does not use appropriate punctuation and capitalization, many words are spelled incorrectly, there are poorly constructed sentences, and there are many syntax errors. (“My own view is that helicopter parents don't let there kids do there own thing. First, the kids are always told what to do in there lifes Sttauss, ‘they have been the most protected and programmed children ever.’ Sttauss's point is that parents are to protective of there kids, and are badly in charge of there life.”)
The writer should click on MY Editor for more ways to improve his/her writing.
Score Point 1 - inadequately communicates the writer’s message.
Model Essay
Parent don't be Helicopter Parent it's not good for you or kid. Helicopter parent your kid's will turn out to be lazy and not knowing what to do. Helicopter parents are not supposed to be so involved in their child's school. School is supposed be safe to let your child socialize with kids and teachers by their self with out Helicopter parents help. If kids had help all the time they will be lost in the future. Kids need to be independent here and their so they won't dependent when they'er on their own. Even though Helicopter Parenting can be bad but some benefits in helicopter parents their re really helpful during school. Helicopter parent ways.
Commentary and Analysis
Focus & Meaning
The essay has inadequate focus and meaning. The writer provides an inadequate thesis, and little effort is made to argue the issue presented in the prompt task. As a result, the essay satisfies few requirements of the task.
In the introduction, the purpose of the essay and its intended audience are not clearly identified. (“Parent don't be Helicopter Parent it's not good for you or kid. Helicopter parent your kid's will turn out to be lazy and not knowing what to do.”)
The essay reveals the writer’s stance on the issue, but it does not contain detailed, supporting ideas to argue the asserted position effectively. (“Helicopter parents are not supposed to be so involved in their child's school. School is supposed be safe to let your child socialize with kids and teachers by their self with out Helicopter parents help.”)
The writer does not illustrate an understanding of audience because he/she does not use appropriate language. (“Helicopter parent your kid's will turn out to be lazy and not knowing what to do.”)
Content & Development
The essay contains inadequate content and development. Little or no attempt is made to use details from resources to support the arguments and the writer' s position on the issue of whether too much parental involvement hinders a child's independence. The writer does not consider the readers’ opposing viewpoints or counterarguments, leaving the essay insufficient and inadequate.
The writer does not include relevant, sufficient details to support the stated opinion. (“Helicopter parent your kid's will turn out to be lazy and not knowing what to do. Helicopter parents are not supposed to be so involved in their child's school. ”)
Body paragraphs are needed with three or more details in each to support the opinion/position/thesis statement of the essay. The essay is simply too short to convey a well-rounded, convincing argument to the intended audience. (“If kids had help all the time they will be lost in the future. Kids need to be independent here and their so they won't dependent when they'er on their own.”)
The writer does not demonstrate an awareness of audience. He/she neglects to adequately address opposing viewpoints and, as a result, leaves the argument insufficient at best. (“Even though Helicopter Parenting can be bad but some benefits in helicopter parents their re really helpful during school. Helicopter parent ways.”)
Organization
The organization of the essay is inadequate . The writer does not include a recognizable introduction and conclusion. Also, there is no evidence of paragraphing or transitional devices used in the essay.
The essay demonstrates no evidence of an effective introduction. (“Parent don't be Helicopter Parent it's not good for you or kid.”)
Transitional words are not used to illustrate connections between ideas in the essay. (“Helicopter parents are not supposed to be so involved in their child's school. School is supposed be safe to let your child socialize with kids and teachers by their self with out Helicopter parents help.”)
The essay does not contain a strong conclusion that restates the main argument, leaves the readers with something to think about, or tells them what to do next. (“Even though Helicopter Parenting can be bad but some benefits in helicopter parents their re really helpful during school. Helicopter parent ways.”)
Language Use & Style
The writer does not integrate effective language use, voice, or style into the essay. The essay demonstrates unclear or incoherent language and word choices, no awareness of audience, and major errors in sentence structure and usage.
The essay does not exhibit descriptive and persuasive words and phrases to describe the writer’s opinion/position/thesis statement effectively. (“Helicopter parent your kid's will turn out to be lazy and not knowing what to do. Helicopter parents are not supposed to be so involved in their child's school. ”) Descriptive and persuasive word choices are needed to answer questions such as who, what, when, where, why, and how within the essay. The writer should use the MY Access! Word Bank to utilize additional adjectives, adverbs, and sensory words to describe the opinion, people, places, and things more effectively.
Sentences in the essay are not well structured. (“Parenting can be bad but some benefits in helicopter parents their re really helpful during school. Helicopter parent ways. ”)
The style of writing in the essay is inadequate. Because the writer does not incorporate language that reflects an initiative to present a balanced argument on the issue of parental involvement in children’s lives, the voice of the writer is muted, and the effectiveness of the argument is lost. (“School is supposed be safe to let your child socialize with kids and teachers by their self with out Helicopter parents help. If kids had help all the time they will be lost in the future. Kids need to be independent here and their so they won't dependent when they'er on their own. ”)
Mechanics & Conventions
The essay demonstrates inadequate control of mechanics and conventions. It has errors in grammar, mechanics, punctuation, or spelling which significantly interfere with the communication of the writer’s message.
To make the essay more effective, the writer should ensure that each sentence begins with a capital letter, each sentence has a subject and a verb, each sentence ends with an appropriate punctuation mark, new paragraphs are indicated with the use of line breaks, and the spelling of chosen words is checked. (“If kids had help all the time they will be lost in the future. Kids need to be independent here and their so they won't dependent when they'er on their own.”)
The writer should click on MY Editor for more ways to improve his/her writing.